WOmanipulation: The secrets about women’s masturbation
Ladies, have you found yourself on the non-penile pleasure pursuit highway? I call it “Plan B.” Get to know yourself and get a lube job. You never know, this could be the only time you have sex with someone you love… yourself. With that said oil up that puss and part that pink sea! I would recommend watching porn if you don’t already. It makes the orgasm more intense and gets you there faster for those busy on-the-go business women, like myself. I’m no musician, but I sure know how to play the clitar…
Places for Buffin’ that muffin:
Bath tub: Not too cold, not too hot… the last thing you want is a scorched pussy or frost bite for that matter. Depending on your history with use of vibrators your remote could be a bit desensitized. Not to worry, just put the facet on full blast. Lay in the tub, on your back, with knees bent up. You will look kind of like a dead frog. I like to call this position “the croaked red-bellied frog“. Slide your tushie underneath the facet and get a blast from the past. Also a good tactic for drowning the crabs too.
Bed: Great location for a solo sesh right before you go to bed or right when you wake up. Make sure to have your TV remote bed side or lap top near, if you like to watch porn which I highly recommend.
Shower: Just make sure you bring a water-proof tool. Yes, your hand and fingers are waterproof.
Bathroom: The bathroom is a great, private place to stand and masturbate. Especially if people are in your house and you don’t have a lock on your bedroom door. Try to have music going or turn on the shower. You don’t want your company/roommates to hear vibrating noises and heavy breathing coming from the bathroom, then see you walk out 30 mins later saying, “boy that food just didn’t sit right” and claiming to have “such a bad stomach ache.” They wont believe you, I tried.
Living room: Only recommended if you don’t live with your parents and you don’t have a TV and/or laptop in your room, to watch porn. The last thing you want is your dad walking in on you masturbating on his couch. You know dad’s and “their” couches.
Tools for tickling that one and only vertical smile: There are many house-hold items you can use for you money-saving ladies. Although I must say, a good dill is a great financial investment.
Cucumber in your cooze: The cool sensation can be rejuvenating on a hot summer day and it rinses off well.
Feeding the bearded clam: A hot dog… recommend wearing a condom, you don’t want to have to lie if someone asks you if you fuck animals…
Brushing the beaver: Electric toothbrush, just be sure it isn’t yours.
Banana in your box: The greener the harder. You don’t want to try pushing a soft, brown banana up there…I’ll tell you now, it doesn’t work.
Buttering up the whisker biscuit, while auditioning the finger puppets: Nothing better than a harmonious hand hump. Grab some lube and workout those phalanges… Just lean back, relax and let the fingers do the walkin’.
Dickless dildo dance: Get yourself a loyal dildo and test out those batteries. Insert in hole and move in and out… DUH.
You only live once…Just rub your cooze ’til you ooze then swat your twat for a job well done…